it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
