We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
