I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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