i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
my liver is dry heaving
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
