I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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