my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize