What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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