When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize