Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She's the barista slut.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
