i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
