we have pet lesbian snakes
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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