YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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