Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
