summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
