good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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