like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
