if you like me you must not know who I am
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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