The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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