Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I AM VODKA MAN
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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