i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
