yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
