lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
where does the pee come out of this thing
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
