oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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