haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
