She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize