You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just want to make out with him forever
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize