Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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