i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
