I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
