im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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