i jhust puked up my retainher.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
