Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Your dad touched me again.
are you so shy because you have an std?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.