oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions