playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.