do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.