i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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