I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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