I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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