forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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