K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
