Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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