I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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