You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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