normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
