Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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