Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.

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(586): View more from Michigan

Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building

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(330): View more from Ohio

GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.

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(305): View more from Florida

I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.

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(586): View more from Michigan

well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend

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(856): View more from New Jersey

I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs

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