thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize