Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
