I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
