I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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