he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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