Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
