Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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