Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
