Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
