A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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