We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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