I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
