when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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