you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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