When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
