Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
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Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
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door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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