i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
