fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
