smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
